she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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