I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
