Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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