I don't think brook has ever known best
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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