some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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