i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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