Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Someone signed my nipple.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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