as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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