When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize