its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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