I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
