Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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