i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
