Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
