Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
