im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
