why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
