I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
