Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize