i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
