I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
