The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
