so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
