Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
