I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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