There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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