You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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