Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
