I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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