The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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