yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
