I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
