Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
