So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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