Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
