We should be called the Road Head Warriors
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize