so let's talk penis.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
