I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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