We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
