I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
