Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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