Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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