I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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