happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
