i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
