I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
