why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
