I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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