i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
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HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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