I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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