she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why do cheetos always look like penises
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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