Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
