she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
