Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
