This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
