Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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