Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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