Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
