and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
