Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
