Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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