if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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